Growing up, my family preferred Spur to Dros, and Ocean Basket was reserved for very special occasions. We listened to classical music in the car and religiously watched Early Edition, Bugs and JAG every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night at 19h00 (have I given away my age?). We didn’t do pets in the house, we did do chores. We didn’t do massive birthday parties, we did do everyday gifts, just because. We didn’t swear, we said “Oom” and “Tannie” (never “you.”) We didn’t tolerate bad service, we always gave to the poor. These are some of the most basic values I grew up with.
For good or bad, it has shaped me...
It is the reason for my initial reaction when I receive a burger with fries, when I had asked for veggies, and how I (still) address someone as “Oom” when they seem sufficiently older to warrant it, whether at a wedding or in a boardroom. I’m guessing that my values sound different to yours. Family values range from the superficial to the profound, but one thing they are not is clinical ideology that makes for a nice bumper sticker or fridge magnet. A family’s value system is the foundational framework on which every member builds their life. Some members will choose to build in the same direction of these established values, while some might choose the complete opposite – but all family members build from the very same foundation.
The question isn’t whether your family has a value system or not, it’s whether your value system was intentionally crafted or not.
And if we accept that our families have values, whether we are conscious of them or not, shouldn’t our next question be: If not me, who or what is currently shaping my own family’s values? Unintentional family values mean you are allowing external factors (like the Disney channel, Instagram and primary-school biology) to lay the foundations of your family’s life long trajectory. Will your family be tossed around by waves of circumstance? Or will you design a value system that will lay the strongest possible foundation for their future?
5 June 2020
MK Wiggett
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