I have a debilitating fear of vanity. On the one hand, I want people to like the work that I do (in my case, writing and creating content), and for them to be encouraged and dare I say it… inspired thereby. But on the other hand, I’m paralytically afraid of recognition becoming my primary goal - precisely because I am acutely aware of the fact that I really enjoy it when people approve of my work. So much so, in fact, that I have spent years creating the bare minimum, with as little as possible emphasis on the fact that I was the one who had created it, just to avoid the temptation of indulging in recognition. No, I’m not under the impression that my paranoid avoidance of vanity is noble - I confess to secretly judging people who indulge their vanity because I think it makes them look ridiculous, and I do not want to look ridiculous (I’m an Enneagram 8 personality type – we’re known for being blunt and way too honest).
You and I probably don’t have the same vices nor the same fears, but there’s a story that can change both of our perceptions about our own:
A long, long time ago (Don’t you just love stories that start like this? #KidsInAdultBodies).
A long, long time ago, God asked a man to leave his entire family, his culture and everything he had ever known behind, and move to an undisclosed location, which God would reveal to him at some undefined point in time, only after he had actually packed up and started moving. If the man would do this, God said, He would bless him, make him a blessing to others and make him famous. So, the man believed God, packed up and started moving. To this day, this man is famous for his willingness to believe God - for his faith. If you haven’t guessed it by now, this is the story of Abraham from the book of Genesis, in the Bible.
But consider this quickly: Abraham had also made pivotal mistakes in instances where he did not believe God; three of which are recorded in the Bible – the most famous book in the entire world, literally, the bestselling book of all time (no jokes, you can check). First of all: do you have any idea how many people have seen this man fail? 😳 And secondly, he failed at the very thing that made him famous! 🤦♀️ And since God had Moses record “I, God, see Abraham as righteous because of his faith” (paraphrased), around 500yrs. later when Moses was writing the book of Genesis, that would mean that God still sees Abraham as faithful, despite the fact that Abraham had made some seriously famous mistakes because of his very lack of faith!
So, when I first studied this story, I could feel myself getting excited about something – but I couldn’t figure out exactly what. Finally, someone spelled it out for me: Abraham isn’t famous because he got something “right”, he’s famous because he got it “wrong” and tried again. Consistently and throughout his life, Abraham would get fearful and fail, but then he would turn back to God and try again.
My vices and my fears will get the better of me more times than I would like. I would prefer not to be tempted nor fail at all, but there are only two ways I know of to avoid it: Don’t engage with life (which is only partially successful anyway) or die.
Since I’m not willing to do the first (anymore) nor the second (of my own free will), the only option left is to be willing to fail, and fail famously. But God already knows that. All He asks of me (and you) is to do the work - and whenever I arrogantly pat myself on the back for some clever turn of phrase, to simply acknowledge my failure - and try again.
Doesn’t that just blow your mind?
MK Wiggett
10 July 2020
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