Can I?
...is a pretty nuanced question, actually.
A truth slightly bent is not a truth at all.
When a plan, project, to do item, wish or even a pipe dream is expressed in my vicinity… I tend to take it quite literally. I mean, wishing will not make it so, so let’s get up and do something that will. Most things just need to be done, nothing more complicated than that. A colleague even had a mug printed for me simply stating “You CAN. End of Story”. It’s a very un-nuanced standard, one which I have far too often measured others by as well, I’m afraid.
But to the immense frustration of other people, I often struggle with where exactly my responsibility towards something begins, and even more so – where it ends. Whenever I do something, I tend to take responsibility for the entire thing. Entirely. I tend to see both the work and the outcome of that work, whether it be success or failure, as my personal responsibility. Which actually sounds right, right? Wrong.
I am a limited being. The only thing I can control is my own choices. That’s it. I can’t even stop my empty stomach from growling awkwardly in a very serious management meeting! I can’t expect of myself (and others, for that matter) to take responsibility and simply ensure a plan or project does not fail based solely on hard work.
Equal but opposite, I also can’t take credit for the successful outcome after the application of hard work. Work, and the outcome of that work, are two distinctly separate things. Expecting of myself and others to take responsibility (or credit) for both of those things, is effectively asking them to be sovereignly in control of all elements that will have an influence thereon, including but not limited to other people’s work, favour in the market or with the audience (or whatever other applicable recipient), and natural elements (say, a worldwide pandemic…).
The truth is, I have responsibility. For sure. But I am not Sovereign.
I need to do my creative best. But my best might very well not equal success.
I control my choices. But not the outcome of those choices.
It is a hard truth to accept, that I am limited. As modern as it is to believe that “Impossible is Nothing”, a truth slightly bent is not a truth at all. I suspect it will remain a lifelong endeavour to find that as of yet elusive sweet spot, where I can confidently spend my absolute best in pursuit of new and daring things, yet refrain from feeling responsible for the success thereof.
If I can’t control the outcome of pretty much anything, who or what does?
Now that is a question worth answering.
MK Wiggett
13 August 2020
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Sovereignty & Responsibility
At the centre of life stood a tree
at the core of existence it bloomed
knowledge,
the fruit of Limitless Being
poison to limited beings
Eve
Babylon
Me
Now there's a New Tree
medial to eternity it bled fruit that tastes of
"we're free"
choosing to live by the limits that give life to
eve
babylon
and me.
Poem by MK Wiggett, 4 May 2020.
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